2/11/2012
Good news, readers! I found another super book by K-Kemp. Even better news: it’s pretty much the same story as the first one! So let us return to “Shitville High” for an eerily familiar tale….
Our narrator is Katie. She is dating Paul, one of the hottest guys in school. Little does she know that Paul is fooling around with Melisha a Swedish exchange student! To add to Katie’s turmoil, her best friend Matt is secretly in love with her. But Matt has leg braces and other embarrassing medical problems, so obviously that’s not happening. Except Katie loves Matt, and clearly states this on page 37 (her words: “I love Matt; I love Matt; I love him.”). So that’s… solved, right? Evidently not, as Katie proceeds to date many many boys, including Beefhead Wren, Deejay Smooth, Kevin, Blue, and Frankie (a girl). It starts to get confusing, and I find myself wishing more characters used sex/ping-pong metaphors or shopped at Banana Republic. Oh well, they can’t all be Jack and Melisha.
To differentiate this story from it’s previous incarnation, the mom character is incredibly Southern (is Shitville in the South?). Not that I’m complaining! How else would we get such colorful lines as “Jumpin’ Jehosaphat, I didn’t raise no goddamn drunk!” and “Yeehaw! You sure sent that fish back to the fryer!”
To further differentiate, Katie and Matt don’t get together at the end. They simply kiss passionately and weep and decide to see other people. Did Ellen and Julian not set a strong enough example?
Here’s this week’s round-up:
So Kevin, are you from the pizza place or the hallway? DECIDE.
In conclusion, there’s still time to enter the Micro Fan Fiction contest. Create your own awesome sentence involving your favorite characters from Shitville High, and submit in the comments section! Winners announced soon….
your friend,
maggie
His words pierced her like a chop stick through an over-cooked wonton skin, “Katie, if you’re not going to let me rub your knee, I don’t see what the point was in me leaving the hallway.”
Kevin was so hot and yet sour, Katie was reminded of the soup she had ordered.
“You know, sometimes I wish I was more like you Katie,” said the Swedish foreign exchange student. “It’s hard being so popular and beautiful all the time!” She awkwardly patted Katie’s arm like a retarded seal batting it’s flippers together, and hurried off to class.
Juniper, you just GET IT. Awesome visual
“I’ve finally realized that you are the one for me. I love you!” Katie/Ellen’s eyes were shrinkwrapped in a cellophane of tears as she gazed up into Matt/Julian’s eyes, waiting for approval, forgiveness, and acceptance. “Yeah,” replied Matt/Julian, his voice cold as the handle on the school door in January, his eyes blank as the underside of the bleachers. “I thought you were the one for me too. But I’m not settling for sloppy seconds…or twefths…after you’ve slutted around with every guy in school. So go #!$& yourself.”
Or am I just writing myself into the niceguy/loser character?